MAJOR OOPS

As of press time, five of 10 – half the GOP gubernatorial field – were found to have not submitted enough valid ballot signatures, include two of the top candidates, former Detroit Police Chief James Craig and Perry Johnson, meaning they will not appear on the August primary ballot. According to reports, hired petition circulators (working for a firm with a possible criminal past) submitted pages of fraudulently filled out petitions with invalid signatures. In a classy move, Michigan State Police Captain Michael Brown withdrew from the race. One top supporter of Craig, upon hearing the news,  said he was glad it was over. While he still felt the former chief was a good man, he acknowledged he hadn’t put a lot of effort into the campaign. Fellow Republican observers had noted that Craig seemed more comfortable on his home turf, rather than traveling the state, and he was notably absent from the first candidate debate. As for Johnson, word is that state GOP chair Ron Weiser and political strategist and consultant John Yob – who at the time was working with former candidate Craig – were looking for someone else to throw their support behind and talked Johnson into running. He admitted to a Republican honcho, “It’s highly unlikely I’ll win.” “So why would you spend your own money,” the Republican rhetorically questioned.